77 Clean Jokes That Are Appropriate for Work and Kids

Table of Contents

The main idea is that you can still make people laugh without putting your marriage, job, or overall well-being at risk.

The truth can also be shared safely with people from age 9 to 90 without worrying about it being too complicated or shocking; you just might have to explain to kids and seniors that Snoop Dogg is a popular cultural icon known for Olympic sports, not athletes participating in the actual Olympics.

Clean Work Jokes

• What do dentist call X-rays? Tooth pictures.
• Servers with one leg work at IHOP.
• Here's how NASA plans a party - they space out the details.
• What did the janitor shout out of the closet? Supplies!!
• How do scientists purify their breath? Experi-mints.
• Why don't scientists trust atoms? They make up everything.
• When giving feedback to your superior, it's usually advisable to refrain from speaking very softly.
• What do you call a magician who has lost his magic? A janitor.

Clean Animal Jokes

• How do you measure a snake? In inches, since they don't have feet to measure in feet.
• What's the difference between a hippo and a lighter, or what people sometimes call a zippo? Well actually, one is really heavy, and the other is actually pretty light.
• What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear.
• What do you call a pig that's a champion in karate? A pork chop.
• What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fish.
• What do you call a magic dog? A Labracadabrador.
• What did the bison say when his calf went to prestudies? Bison.

Clean Punny Jokes

• What makes a joke a "dad joke"? It becomes noticeable when it does.
• The term "Dark Ages" seems mysterious. You would think it's called that because of the presence of knights.
• What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? The man's clothes.
• I lay awake one night thinking about where the sun was. Suddenly it became clear to me.
• What do you call fake spaghetti? Impasta.
• Why did the cowboy get a dachshund? He wanted a long little puppy.
• Why are crabs so reluctant to share? They're a type of crustacean.
• I attempted to capture the fog. A cloud rolled in.
• Why did the banana skip school? It wasn’t feeling well.
• Why did the phantom seek help and treatment? He was hooked on booing.
• To locate Will Smith in the snow, try finding fresh footprints.
• Where do defective rainbows go? The speculum is where they serve a disciplinary purpose.
• What happens when a frog's vehicle breaks down? It gets stranded.

Clean Silly Jokes

• Why did the ocean wave hello to the other ocean? It was a silent gesture.
• What's the best thing about Switzerland? No idea, but their flag is definitely a bonus.
• Why hasn't Dracula gotten married? He's a real thorn in people's sides.
• Would you like to hear a joke about the roof? The first one is on the house!
• Why don't teddy bears eat snacks? They're always already full since they're stuffed.
• A customer walked into the ice cream shop and asked the sales associate, "Give me one that makes me one with everything."
• I attempted to enter a contest to win a tan. Instead, I ended up with a bronze color.
• What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent and Nickelback.
• Why did the skeleton miss the dance? He didn't have a body to go with.
• Where do snowy statues get loans? Snowmountains.
• Why won't skeletons fight? They don't have any guts.
• Why was the belt arrested? It had been charged for aiding in the display of a pair of underwear.
• What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle.
• Why was Cinderella kicked off her soccer team? She was always running from the responsibility of being part of the team and playing the game.
• Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one.
• The car got a flat tire because there was a fork in the road that presumably caused one of the tires to go off course and suffer a puncture.
• What kept the can crusher from his job was the crushing pressure of the soda business.
• Why did the donut go to the dentist? To get a cavity filled.
• What does a vegan zombie want to eat? Braaaaains - but not just any braaaaains, all organic non-cruelty-free brains, preferably locally sourced and hormone-free.
• What is said by the full glass to the empty glass? You must be spilled.
• What's something that's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
• Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For light drizzle.
• What do you call Batman when he skips work—or rather, skips out? Christian Bale.
• Two radio antennas decided to get hitched. The wedding ceremony was just okay, but the after-party was truly exceptional!

• I had to stay home from work because I'm experiencing vision issues today and it wouldn't be safe to work at the office.
• What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Ah, dear matey.
• The difference between in-laws and outlaws is that outlaws are considered fugitives with active arrest warrants, while in-laws are the spouse's relatives.
• What's brown and sticky? A stick.
• What do you call Batman and Robin when they get wiped out? Flatman and Ribbon.
• What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity - it's absolutely captivating, I just can't stop reading it.
• Did you hear the story about the astronaut who left his wife? He was in search of some space.
• Everybody was very emotional at the wedding and the cake was stacked in layers.
• The leading cause of dry skin is what is often said to be towels.
• Why are skeletons so peaceful? Nothing seems to ruffle their nerves.
• I disposed of some old batteries this morning and gave them away for no cost.
• Active and energetic breeds make the best car racers.
• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was a tense situation.
• What seems peculiar? Every other number.
• People are amazed by dry erase boards because they're truly remarkable.
• Mistakes are made by people. Blaming others is what managers do.
• What's the difference between not knowing and not caring? Don't know and don't care.
• Why do ghosts haunt elevators? They boost their morale.
• I've heard some whispers about butter. I shouldn't probably be sharing this, but...
• I got rid of my vacuum cleaner; it was basically just gathering dust.
• Thinking of purchasing large quantities of chicken broth? Consider the stock market.
• No matter how much you participate in paperwork, it will always be something that doesn't move.
• What do you do if you get the flu caused by birds? Seek medical treatment.
• It's difficult to convey information to individuals with kleptomania. They constantly interpret things in a literal sense.